Now

Right NOW I’m sitting and looking at my pretty tree. When I first moved here I didn’t even bother.  Too much drama of the past.

I have worked Christmas for the past 6 years. It gave other nurses a chance to enjoy their holidays. I’d like to say it was meaningless. It wasn’t. It was horrifying. I had Christmas PTSD. This year Christmas had wonderful meaning by spending it with family.

So what happens with time and working on letting go is of course things change. The pain is long gone and a feeling of contentment arrives.

I found these little trees at the Fresh Market and they were perfect. Big enough for my needs. Being a table top also was great since my dog didn’t feel the need to urinate on it.

When I first brought it home he got very excited until he saw it go on the table.

The ornaments I took when I was divorced were the one that were meaningful to me.  Gifts from friends and hand made golden retriever ornaments. Ornaments with my old guys names Machi and Casey.  I loved the twinkly white lights.  This year I added a string of color and it changed everything. And of course a string of shells.

It’s almost like this little tree is an indication of my mental health filled with an understanding of the past , anticipation  of the future but the ability to just sit and be,  enjoy the tree, the lights and the now.